Category Archives: List

6 Movies I Will Never Review

It’s kind of hard to fathom that I’ve been doing this for almost 5 years. And to think it all started because I was angry at one of the more recent incarnations of Hellraiser and its chubby version of Pinhead. Back when I first started, I reviewed ever single movie I watched and gave a scene by scene analysis of the entire thing. Is it any wonder that I reached burnout about 6 months in? Then I tried doing 4-6 condensed reviews in one post. That’s 2-3 hours per movie that I would have to devote to watch it, plus another 1-2 hours to write that post. Burnout occurred yet again. We’re also going to ignore my attempts to review anthologies. My whole point is is this is all done of my own enjoyment, and the fact that I’m able to entertain others. However, it got to a point where I figured out I do not have the time nor the resources to review every single thing I watch. It takes the fun out of watching movies. That being said, there have been some films that I will not revisit even if I have the opportunity to do so. Why? There are so many reasons, but more than likely it’s simply this: I can’t stomach watching certain movies again.

A majority of movies that I absolutely refuse to do are disgusting, offensive (even by my standards), or I don’t like the overall message that is presented. Some of these I have watched once, but depending on the subject matter I turned my head in disgust and missed a lot of key details. As you guys know, paying a little too much attention to detail is kind of my thing. I won’t review a movie if I feel I haven’t gained enough information to back up my opinion. So if there’s something you want me to review that happens to be on this list, just know that’s never, ever going to happen. Starting with:

6. The Sharknado franchise (2013-?)

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Okay, so I fully admit to being mildly entertained by the first one. It has to be one of the dumbest premises in cinematic history, but hey…it was a little funny at times. Then they just had to make a second one. Then a third. Then a fourth that I’m surprised didn’t get shut down due to copyright infringement. I think we can safely assume number five is on the way. So why won’t I review any of them? You guys should know by now how much I completely loath The Asylum. I think they’re con artists that take away resources from film-makers that actually give a crap about making a decent film. Also they’re so artistically challenged that they don’t have any sort of original plots.

Their credits include films like Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies, or Snakes on a Train. They got semi lucky with the first Sharknado only because it was too dumb for people to pass up. Miraculously, this still holds an 82% rating on the now controversial Rotten Tomatoes site. Then they got greedy, and turned this hot mess into their cash cow. I’m not buying into this anymore, and I’m not going to support a company that is okay with blatantly ripping off the hard work and talent of others. How this company is still able to make movies is honestly beyond me.

5. The Green Inferno (2015)

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I love Eli Roth, I really do. He’s the reason why I am a self-professed gorehound. But…he is far from perfect, and The Green Inferno is glaring proof of that. There’s the obvious fact the release date for this consistently got pushed back, but that’s not the main reason why I won’t touch it. It’s because of the reason why it was made. For those that don’t feel like clicking the link, Roth basically says he made this because of modern activism and so-called “keyboard warriors”. He claims that while we might want to help, we won’t inconvenience ourselves to do so. My problem with that statement is there are so many organizations and individual people that go unrecognized for their efforts, and yet Roth wants to focus on the minority groups that won’t give up their daily Starbucks just to donate a couple dollars?

I kind of have to call BS. Not to mention, the way he pretty much says “screw you” to these people is a bit extreme. Cannibals and female genital mutilation? Is that really necessary, Mr. Roth? For now, we’re just going to ignore the offensive indigenous tribe stereotypes, as well as the gore that almost made me barf into my popcorn. I’m a gorehound, but even I have my limits. Even if I ignore all of the questionable social commentary, there’s nothing to this movie except the dismemberment and human BBQ scenes. While I might be able to put my comedic spin on it, it’s really hard to riff on cannibalism and a painfully awkward masturbation scene for 500+ words.

4. Nymphomaniac Vol 1 and 2 (2013)

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You guys have no idea how long it took it to find a still from this movie that’s safe for work. You’re welcome. Anyway, this requires a little bit of explanation. Director Lars Von Trier admitted in an interview that whenever he’s going through some sort of psychological turmoil, it’s projected into his movies. It sounds like the ultimate therapy, but what we end up seeing is incredibly graphic sex, abusive relationships, and violence against women and children. Dude has some serious issues that need to be worked out with a therapist, and not a camera.

Nymphomaniac is the worst offender. I knew some sex scenes would be involved, but I was not expecting the 5 minute sequence showcasing penises from every race there is. I also could have done with the threesome that included men that were so well endowed that is was borderline comedic. The most disappointing part is that this would have been an incredible movie if it had relied on story instead of full frontal. Either volume is basically two hours worth of porn, peppered with drama. Lars Von Trier is an outstanding director, but unfortunately his demons got the better of him this time. And because of that I’m not willingly going to sit through this again.

3. The Human Centipede trilogy (2009-2015)

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I think it took me less time to find a safe for work still for Nymphomaniac than it did for this. I blame curiosity as the reason why I sat through the first two. But once I finally figured out this whole series is a way for a grown man to act out his poo porn fantasies, I quickly gave up. Normally I will see any and every franchise to completion (except for Sharknado), but Tom Six pisses me off so much that I can’t support this. It’s movies about people being forced to eat poop. Do I really have to give a lengthy reason as to why I don’t want to review that?

2. A Serbian Film (2010)

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Just want to mention it took 45 minutes to find a non-graphic still. Where do I start? An infant being violently raped? A drug-crazed father raping his son? A man murdering a woman, then raping her blood-covered corpse? See a theme here? That’s because director Srdjan Spasojevic says the movie is a metaphor for the Serbian people being “raped” by the government. I’m not making this up. I know absolutely nothing about Serbia, so I’m not going to comment on whether or not there is some sort of foul play within that country. What I don’t understand is what possessed this dude to show what are arguably the most notoriously graphic scenes in cinema as a way to bring awareness to Serbia. Why didn’t he just make a documentary?

What good does showing an infant being raped for the sake of creating an unbelievably sick new genre of porn actually do? Maybe I’m taking crazy pills, but I don’t think that’s best way to gain help for your country. Honestly? I shut this off. I only know what happens because I had to Google the most notable scenes from the movie instead of watching this mess. The issue I have is the choice to use shock value, and then claiming it’s used to bring awareness. I would respect directors a lot more if they could just be honest: they want notoriety and to achieve cult status at any cost. They don’t care about making a good movie. This is best example of that.

1. Nekromantik 1 and 2 (1987 and 1991)

I’M NOT GOOGLING A STILL FOR THIS. Instead, here’s a picture of a cute puppy, because I refuse to relive the imagery in this movie.

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This is a movie about having sex with corpses. I repeat: This is a movie about having sex with corpses. I’m afraid to Google stills from this movie because 1. Google safe search is a freaking joke, and 2. I’m pretty sure I’ll end up on some sort of F.B.I. watch list. Being a horror fan has lead me to some horrible, life scarring things. I felt this impulsive need to seek out the most disturbing, and vile horror movies around. This consistently makes the top 10 on any disturbing horror list, and it is well earned. This movie doesn’t have one or two scenes of…I really don’t want to say it again. One scene in the first movie easily surpasses the 5 minute mark, and I don’t even want to talk about the stomach turning finale in part two.

I don’t think there was ever a point to this movie. I’m convince the German filmmaker behind this (again, I have zero faith in Googling that), just decided he wanted to film naked women bumping uglies with dead people and call it “art”. Whatever the case may be, this is something else that is notorious, but I don’t think it’s for the right reasons. I won’t knock the creativity and work that went into making this…but it’s really hard for me to compliment a movie about boinking corpses. I don’t actively hate it like some of the others on this list. I just really, really, do not want to watch this again…ever.

 

ABCs of Death 2 (2014) A-D

ABCs-of-Death-2I must be an overachiever because I’m back with part two. It was recently added to Netflix, so I figured I’d go ahead and knock this out while I have the time. First I have to say I love the opening with the demented playground vibe. It’s very creative, and I’d say we’re already off to a better start. But…from what I remember, that optimism is short lived. Without further ado, let’s dive into our new segments.

a is for amateurThis first one offers a promising start. And I will not apologize for laughing as hard as I did. If there’s one job where it does not pay to be an amateur, I’d say hitman is near the top of the list. How can you not laugh after seeing what looks like hours of preparation go down the drain when our hitman runs into a spiderweb in an air shaft? Or what about how every struggle turns him into a human pincushion thanks to rusty and exposed nails? It’s dark humor at its finest, and I love it. I give it 4/5. Hey, we’re already doing better than part one. But considering this is the gentleman that gave us 2013’s Cheap Thrills, this really shouldn’t come as a surprise.

b is for badgerA black comedy about killer badgers, and it ends with the best pun possible. I have nothing else to add. It deserves 5/5.

c is for capital punishmentAnd now we’re back to the same issue that plagued part one: too much plot, but not enough time. Why was this man deemed guilty by the town? Why does this town have rules that seem ancient, but everything else screams present day? Where are the cops? Why is hell would someone confess to a murder they know they didn’t commit? The only thing that redeems this is the special effects. This will be the first and last time I say this, but the kill/beheading scene was very well done. I give it 3/5 just for that. Everything else misses the mark.

d is for delousedOne the one hand, this is one the best stop animation shorts within the last 5 years. It takes almost a minimalistic approach, but it’s well done. However, it’s weird and it made me itchy. You know how I feel about things that make me itchy. But I’m giving this one a pass. It gets 4/5. I really like that’s it’s a different take on a revenge plot, and the creativity of using “delouse” was a great choice. I tried to look up other works from Robert Morgan, but he hasn’t done any full length films. He’s definitely creative, so hopefully we’ll see one from him in the future.

ABCs of Death N-Q

Last review of 2014, and this marks my 100th post on The Lively Mind Reviews. Thank you once again for all of the feedback, recommendations, and for just generally being awesome. Have a happy new year, and here’s to kicking ass in 2015.

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When I first saw this, I thought it was mildly entertaining. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person’s infidelity revealed by a talking parrot. Then I started to think…why did this guy think it was a good idea to buy a parrot that mimics everything it hears BEFORE cheating on his girlfriend? In order for the parrot to repeat everything that was said between this guy and “Joy”, it had to basically be in the same room as them. No one deserves to be murdered, but this guy kind of had it coming for cheating and just being stupid. I give it 2/5. While nowhere near as bad as some of the earlier shorts, it is pretty forgettable and on the bland side.

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This might not be for everyone. If you’re looking for a literal “death by orgasm”, you will not find it here. Forzani and Cattet go for an abstract and almost experimental explanation of the French term for an orgasm: la petit mort, or the little death. I don’t think it’s horrible, but I’m not going to say it’s that great. What does a melted Barbie have to do with getting your rocks off? I don’t know about you, but I haven’t had bubbles floating around during sex acts. I appreciate the fact the directors opted not go for the literal. I just wish they still could’ve done something that made a lick of sense. I give it 2/5. It’s interesting, but still difficult to grasp if you’re unfamiliar with the French term.

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Mother of God…

What is the point of this? People in poverty will do anything to survive? Rich people always have sick fetishes? This short has several implications that I don’t think Rumley ever thought of. If you’re unfamiliar with crush videos, I envy you. I don’t even think I can explain what they are without ending up on some watch list. All I want to know is what was Rumley trying to do here. Is it social commentary? Nope, it’s just a decade old script for a full length movie he wasn’t able to make, so he decided to condense it here just so he could use it. This gets a 0. It starts off as something that could very easily raise awareness about pretty much anything, but it ends up being…well, nothing respectable. If you decide to see for yourself for any reason, keep in mind I was able to find that no animals were harmed during this short. At least there’s that.

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Oh Adam Wingard…I want to say you’re talented, believe me I do. But I think your middle name is Inconsistent, because anything you’re involved in clearly reflects that. This short isn’t really bad. It’s just extremely lazy. I think Wingard was going for some sort of meta joke, but it doesn’t work. We know each director had the same budget and time constraints, but they didn’t use their respective segments to vent their frustrations. It doesn’t help that the death isn’t even tied to the letter. It gets 1/5. If someone was able to show a death based on Hydro-electric Diffusion, Wingard should’ve been creative enough to find something else that started with Q.

ABCs of Death J-M

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I had to do a bit of research for this one. I thought it was good, but I wanted to know if there was anything significant about the “samurai movie”. From what I gathered, these films are probably serious in nature given the time period they’re based on, and I think laughing while committing seppuku is generally frowned upon. It doesn’t help we’re treated to faces like this: The_ABCs_of_Death_J_for_Jidai-geki_3-1024x575

As bizarre as it is, I think it still deserves a 3/5. It doesn’t rely on senseless shocks, and I think it’s pretty damn funny. The only downside is the humor might be lost on those who are unfamiliar with samurai movies. I find it entertaining because I apparently have the same sense of humor as a toddler.

 

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I still am at a loss for words about this one. What am I supposed to say about seeing a woman die from her turd launching itself forcefully back into her butt? I don’t even know how that works. I wouldn’t have thought to associate the word “klutz” with “death by poo”, but that’s just me. The whole short is based on Morgenthaler’s fascination with the fact that women also feel the need to poop. I’m dead serious. I’m going to give this 1/5. I personally don’t think it’s funny because it’s highly unrealistic. If your poo suddenly came to life and nuzzled your foot like a cat, would you stay in the bathroom and try to coerce it back into the toilet? You know you wouldn’t. I know I would run from the house screaming and call a priest. And I hate this segment for making me think about how I would react to something like that.

 

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Yet another segment that I refuse to watch again. It’s disgusting, but it’s exactly what the director was going for. You can easily guess this is overly sexual in nature, but it goes way past that. We’re subjected to increasing degrees of sexual perversion, each instance being worse than the last. I wanted to give this a low rating just because of what happens, but here I can’t do that. It’s highly effective, the effects are outstanding for a $5,000 budget, and I personally think this is one of the few segments that succeeded in what it was trying to do. I say it earns a solid 3/5.  As good as it is, it’s still pretty damn nasty. I just could do without being subjected to some of the most horrible fetishes in existence.

 

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Here we have the last segment that I won’t watch again. The biggest issue I have is that TI West decided to take one of the most traumatic experiences a woman can have, and compare it to a clogged toilet: annoying, but hilarious for the audience. I have a big problem with that. I don’t see the humor in a woman trying to dislodge a dead fetus from her toilet with a plunger. I get that West was going up against directors that actually had a concept in mind. What I cannot understand is why he would want to poke fun at something like this. It gets a 0. It’s not funny, it’s not really shocking, and it lacks any directorial talent. It’s just shows what little creativity West actually has.

ABCs of Death F-I

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It’s the first entry from Japan, and it involves flatulence (duh), implied pedophilia, lesbianism, people being killed by God’s farts (?), and a student seeking refuge in her teacher’s butthole, which is basically a yellow womb. You would think it would be funny, but it still manages to fail in that department. Fart jokes are always hilarious to me, but the comedy is nowhere to be found. Iguchi claims the theme is actually an earthquake disaster, but he just had to add in his obsession with farts. I’m just going to give this 2/5. It gets that much because at least it’s original. Weird as I don’t know what, but still original.

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I believe this is the least offensive out of 26 entries, but that’s only because there’s so little to it. I can’t help but like it. I will admit I was completely lost the first time I saw it, but then it clicked upon a second viewing. We’re seeing a man commit suicide from his point of view, but it’s not outlandishly done. This segment uses the bare minimum to tell a story, and I respect Traucki for making it that way. I give it 3/5. While I like how it’s done, there are still some questions that I still have to ask. Why did he choose to die in such a way? Who is he, and what led him to this point?  It’s better than most of the other segments, but I still feel like it’s missing something.

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Why furries? Also, if you’re going to go the furry route, would it kill you to make sure you can’t see the damn seams and wrinkles on the fursuit? I had to watch this twice because I kept getting distracted every time I saw the actress’ real skin, or when the suit bunched up with every movement. I’m going to leave the Nazi aspect alone because I’m trying to keep this review relatively short. Most importantly, out of all the words in the English language that start with H, this is what you pick? Were you trying to be different? Is it an inside joke? Did you really just want to do something with furries, and the concept just spun out of control? Yes, I can clearly see the homage to Tex Avery. What I can’t get past is the fact I was forced to look at furry boobs. It gets 2/5. I have to give the director credit for thinking outside the box, but this is ridiculous even by my standards.

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I have to admit I was intrigued by this one. . While watching this, you’re not 100% what or why this is going on. According to Grau, we’re not supposed to know. This is shining light on the “femicide” occurring in Mexico, in other words the high number of senseless murders of women. With that information, I give it 3/5. I give him credit for trying to raise awareness, but it loses points considering I had to do a search to find what the hell this was about. I’m also not sure if this was the right place to try and do that. It’s a powerful message, but it gets lost in the shuffle of the other segments and the overall flow of the movie.

8 Things You Never Want to Have Happen on Your Birthday

It’s my second favorite time of the year: my birthday. But because I’m too poor to do anything, I’m not quite in the spirit of things. However, I would prefer to do nothing instead of having any of the following events happen to me.   From pissed off clowns to murdering children, here are some situations I hope neither you nor I will ever have to encounter on a birthday:

8. Being Forgotten – Sixteen Candles (1984)

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While nowhere near as bad some of the other things of this list, it’s still pretty crappy. Turning 16 is supposed to be a milestone, and having your entire family forget that? All I can say is “ouch”. Then to add insult to injury people are paying to see your underwear, and your sister is bridezilla. Not all of us are lucky enough to have an incarnation of Jake Ryan to salvage our special day. Your one day just comes and goes, and you’re lucky if anyone remembers later on. Better yet, what if this happens when you’re an adult? A whole lot of nothing, that’s what. The only thing I learned from this movie is growing up sucks. Not the best birthday message in the world, but oh well.

7. A Demonic Clown Ghost/Zombie Coming Back to Kill You –Stitches (2012)

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I really feel for people that choose to be birthday clowns. Kids can be evil little turds that don’t make a clown’s job easy. Stitches takes that concept, adds satanic rituals with a dash of bizarre, and turns into why I now have a partial fear of clowns. Think about it: you and your snot-nosed friends cause the birthday entertainment to fall on a knife and die, and then he comes back for bloody revenge. Even if you send back Stitches to whichever circle of hell he came from, can you imagine the psychological damage that would cause someone all throughout adulthood? Happy birthday, Tom!

6. Having the Worst Classmates Ever – Bloody Birthday (1981)

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I consider this to be the reason why I’m honestly thinking about not having children. Apparently, being born during an eclipse means you get your jollies from offing your friends and family. Granted, it’s the murderers who have the birthday, but I’m counting them anyway. Who wants to go to a birthday party when there’s a very good chance the food and drink is poisoned? Or you could “accidentally” slip and crack your head open? I don’t care if there is a possibility the cake is safe, because there are just some things you shouldn’t have to worry about during a birthday party. I would also make a point to find new friends.

5. A Horny Leprechaun Claiming You as His Bride – Leprechaun 2 (1994)

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Technically you’re the leprechaun’s birthday present, but once again this is still horrible. He’s evil, cracks bad puns all the time, kills people for no reason, and he’s super greedy. Just look at him. You’re cursed to have sex with that for eternity. Let’s not forget you’re only his because of who your ancestor is. You’re basically screwed because of the one thing you have no control over. At this point, I think the bad puns are the least of your worries.

4. Being Locked In the Vannacutt Psychiatric Institute for the Criminally Insane – House on Haunted Hill (1999)

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I’m not sure where to start with this one. I can understand wanting to have the party to end all parties. However…why in the name of all things sacred would you pick a place where mysterious deaths are still happening; and its failsafe led everyone inside to be burned alive? Oh and the party favors are real, loaded guns? Okay, so it’s some roundabout ruse to frame your husband or something. Just hire some chick to sleep with him, film the evidence, and then you’ll end up with a hefty divorce settlement. I’m not jumping through the hoops that Evelyn did, because look at how well that worked out for her (the word “corrosion” is involved).

3. Receiving a Gift from Consumer Recreation Services – The Game (1997)

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It’s devastating having a parent commit suicide. It doesn’t make things easier when you the hit same age when your father chose to take his own life. To make things even better, your life becomes some kind of hellish alternate reality because of a company that now doesn’t exist. You’re broke, alone, and are being shot at and hunted. This all stems from a stupid voucher your own brother gives you. Just kidding! It’s just an expensive and terrifying way to make you appreciate who and what you have. It’s okay because your brother was just trying to help you…by making you think you’re going to die a terrifying death. Thanks, bro.

2. Meeting Krug and His Associates – The Last House on the Left (1972)

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I sort of understand wanting to score certain illegal substances for your birthday. What I don’t get is why you would go to a bad part of town, and why would you follow a strange man to a strange apartment filled with people that look like they’ll turn your insides into outsides. But this isn’t a list about stranger danger, so I digress. We have Krug (serial killing rapist), his son Junior, girlfriend Sadie (just freaking nuts), and Fred (pedophilic creep). These are the type of people that will come after you just for sneezing near them. And unfortunately what should’ve been a fun birthday turns into hours of rape, torture, then ends with disembowelment and dismemberment. Just thinking about it makes me want to stay home and watch Netflix.

1. Getting a Good-Guy Doll – Child’s Play (1988)

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You probably knew this was going to show up, but I think it’s worth repeating. You’ve been a good kid, and all you want is the hottest toy on the market. To your shock, your mother finds you one. This is the best birthday ever…until cops think you’re responsible for several murders, and you end up in a mental hospital. Not such a happy birthday, is it? I have to ask why any child would want one of these dolls. Did you get a good look at Chucky? The little beady eyes, messy red hair, and that perpetual smile that would give any adult the willies? I’m not saying Andy and his mom had it coming, but I think his mom should’ve bought him a G.I. Joe and called it a day.

Those are what I consider to be my ultimate worst case scenarios. What are yours? Let me know in the comments.

Rapid Retrospect 6/23- 6/29

Gravity (2013) 3/5

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During a routine space mission, debris from a satellite hits the shuttle Explorer. Two survivors (Sandra Bullock and George Clooney) then have to try to survive while losing oxygen, and without being able to communicate with Mission Control. I was impressed with how the film looks. It’s gorgeous. I still can’t believe how real it looked. As far as the story goes, don’t expect a whole lot of explanation. You’re supposed to focus on this drawn out metaphor of survival and rebirth, but I just wasn’t a massive fan of how the story was presented. I still say watch it for the visuals because of how beautiful it looks.

Pitch Perfect (2012) 4/5

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Okay, this is basically Bring It On except we have rival a capella groups the Barden Bellas and the Treblemakers. After a major embarrassment happens to the new leader of the Barden Bellas, the group has to work if they want to win the finals of…some singing competition. I think this is hilarious, but I can’t figure out why it’s almost 2 hours long. It’s like the filmmakers decided to just leave everything in instead of keeping the major plot points. However, it’s still a fun movie to watch. I would’ve bet money this was going to be stupid, but I was surprised. If you decide to see it, just try not to take it too seriously. You’ll enjoy it more that way.

Friends with Benefits (2011) 3/5

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Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis agree to have sex without any emotional attachment or drama. Since this is a romantic comedy, of course they fall in love but not before a misunderstanding and every other cliché you can think of. The movie starts off very strong, but then it commits the same tropes it aims to poke fun of. However, I was surprised the acting the acting was actually pretty good. You want to believe the chemistry in any movie like this, and the main characters were able to do just that. It’s good to watch just for the funny moments, but don’t expect anything groundbreaking.

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006) 2/5

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Jean-Baptiste Grenouille was born with an unnatural sense of smell. This “gift” turns into an unhealthy obsession, and he eventually finds ways to satisfy his urges by any means necessary. I was intrigued by the plot, mainly because it sounds so weird. The actual movie is a big disappointment. It’s 2 hours and 30 minutes of the main character sniffing naked dead women, something about the ultimate perfume that has mind control powers, and Dustin Hoffman and Alan Rickman are in this but the characters serve no purpose. I’m still lost as to what happened, but from what I’m able to grasp this is just yet another book that did not need to be made into a movie. To be honest if the story ends with a town orgy then a cannibalistic feast, I don’t think the book should exist either.

Silver Linings Playbook (2012) 4/5

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Pat Solatano (Bradley Cooper) has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and has been released from a mental hospital after nearly beating his wife’s lover to death. We watch him attempt to adjust back into society and mend relationships with his estranged wife and family, but even that proves to be difficult after he meets a widow named Tiffany who is just has messed up as he is. I’ll admit that I had zero interest in watching this at first. Most Academy Award winning movies are nothing but 2 hour sedatives, in my book. This is nothing like that. It ranges from comedy, drama, and romance, but it transitions between genres seamlessly. I think this also marks the only time I haven’t found Jennifer Lawrence to be annoying, so I think it’s amazing based on that alone. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out.

Red Mist (2008) 1/5

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This is probably better known as Freakdog, although it doesn’t make it any better. A group of snooty med students cause a creepy janitor to have a seizure, and he slips into a coma. One of them feels guilty, and injects him with an experimental drug that is supposed to increase brain function. Apparently it works too well because now he has out of body experiences, and can possess people to kill those that put him in his coma. The first problem I had is I kept feeling like I’ve seen something like done before, and I probably saw it done in a more effective way. Second, the plot can be shredded to bits if you think about it logically. A part of the brain that causes out of body experiences can be harnessed, and leads to a form of demon-like possession? That’s stupid even by my standards. The acting is about as good as it can be in a movie like this, but there’s not much else to it. There was a reason why this sat in my queue for over a year.

In the Mouth of Madness (1994) 4/5

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We start with John Trent (Sam Neill) retelling his story to a shrink about why he ended up in a mental institution. Trent was an insurance fraud investigator that was asked to look into the disappearance of popular horror writer Sutter Cane. Cane’s work has been known to cause paranoid delusions, memory loss, and other side effects that normal people don’t experience while reading a book. What follows is 90 minutes of hell that gave me the heebie jeebies. First, this is super disorienting. Trent starts hallucinating, and it’s so vivid that you can’t help but feel like you’re going crazy right along with him. Second, it’s just creepy. If you’ve never seen a “Lovecraftian horror”, you have no idea what you’re in for. It’s a great film, but I don’t think it’s for those that are very easily scared. Also, don’t bother watching it if it comes on TV. The most effective scenes are heavily edited, or taken out completely.

Fight Club (1999) 5/5

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Yes, I am one of about 10 people that never watched this. I am well aware how late I am. Do I really have to tell you what it’s about? Either you’ve seen it, or it was on some top ten lists of greatest twist endings. All I’m going to say it’s awesome, violent, and quite psychotic. Don’t be like me and wait 15 years to see it. Just go ahead and buy it. Trust me.