The Houses October Built (2014)

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I’m not afraid of werewolves or vampires or haunted houses. I’m afraid of what real human beings do to other real human beings. – Walter Jon Williams

What does that opening quote have to do with anything? I’ll let you guess. Long story very short, a group of frenemies sets out to find the most extreme haunted house. The first 50 minutes is clips from other haunted houses, a strip club where the dancers wear masks, and are occasionally harassed by creepy actors from…I’m not really sure where. The premise is semi interesting. I mean I absolutely love haunted houses. However I just can’t get on board for the “extreme” or “avant garde” ones. For those that are blissfully unaware, opting for an extreme haunted house means you’re paying about $75 to be psychologically and sometimes physically tortured.

I don’t mean a light spanking or briefly being handcuffed. We’re talking being made to believe you’re being buried alive, all the way up to having feces, semen, and even used tampons thrown at you. Actors will kick, punch, and degrade you for about 45-60 minutes all in the name of a scare. And people pay for this shit. I am aware this doesn’t quite have anything to with the movie, but the movie was so boring I might as well talk about this. Yes, every year I pay to have the living daylights scared out of me. But I’ll be damned in I ever pay to have someone toss shit at me in the name of “art”. That’ll be the day I end up with an assault charge.

Anyways, our group of dumbasses doesn’t pay, though. They just follow rumors and clues from the locals on how to find the Blue Skeleton, which I’m assuming is the name of the place, but it’s never made clear as to what that name refers to. The whole movie really reads like a C+ film school final project. The props are sometimes interesting, the acting is just really annoying, and the first 3/4 seems like a really long ad for haunted houses across the country. This gets a 0. I’m trying really hard to support independent cinema, but it’s impossible to do when crap like this is what gets released. If you want something that’s actually scary, wait til September and check out a haunted house. Don’t even bother watching this.

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