Animal (2014)

MV5BMTQ3OTAxMjQzNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwODM4ODk4MTE@._V1_SY317_CR12,0,214,317_AL_Here we have another release from Chiller Films. Yes, that is the same Chiller you often only see when you have satellite TV instead of cable. For those that are blissfully unaware, think of it as the watered down version of FearNet. It tries to be scary, and can be gory at times, but you still end up feeling so underwhelmed. This is a network that thinks Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave is too scary to be viewed alone. With some back story about the network out of the way, let’s look at their films. To save you 80 minutes, the few I’ve seen suck. Animal is no different. Outside of having a movie title that makes a Google search damn near impossible, the story is horrid. This is the plot from Kill Theory, except instead of a psychopath we have what looks like the rejected concept for the monsters in Feast.

But that’s not even the worst part. No, what actually baffles your favorite reviewer is the decision to open with what looks like an alternate ending. That’s right, the very first scene is a sequence that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie. It’s still the group of “friends” panicking, and ultimately feeding each other to wolves. My personal favorite is the brooding and jaded survivor who lost his wife to the monster, which actually brings up a valid point: If you’ve lost a loved one, what bloody sense does it make to get everyone else killed? If he wanted to see his wife again, all he had to do was stand outside for 5 minutes and be devoured. But no, we have to deal with him being an asshole for half an hour.

Everything else is lumped together just to stretch out. This is basically a poor episode of Masters of Horror that was turned into a full length film. It gets a 0. There’s nothing redeeming here. The acting is pretty bad, the actual budget is questionable, and it’s just a waste of time and money. I’ve actually figured out what Chiller Films really is. It’s merely The Asylum, except they have budgets and B list actors. But as I’ve said before, bigger budgets do not equal better movies. And I’d like to thank Animal for being a prime example of that.

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