I’m going to try something a bit different. Instead of diving right into why this is basically a $3 million dog turd, I’m going to start with what little positive attributes it actually has. Unlike most movies, it flat out tells you what to expect within the first 25 seconds: boobs and gore. We’re treated to some woman that has the bright idea to go skinny dipping in a alligator infested swamp, and has her legs torn off. Who is she? Don’t know. Is this pivotal to the story? Not one bit. Also, this co-stars Sid Haag. Even at his worst he’s still funny as hell, although I don’t think he was supposed to be funny in this. I thought I had more than two positives, but I guess not.
Now for the best part. The major fails include: mismatched prosthetics, a monster that is basically Swamp Thing’s inbred cousin, and actors that use every southern stereotype in history as a reference for a country accent. Speaking of inbreeding, that’s the main point of this entire movie. Inbred country folk in horror movies is absolutely nothing new, but it feels dragged out here. Also the story is quite convoluted. We started with a man that somehow mutated into a monster, then for the last 20 minutes, it’s some kind of god of incest. So to recap, we have one of the most used horror plots, but with incest-loving Alligator Jesus. Call me what you want, but that alone should have been hilarious.
Long story short, this gets 1/5. This is one of those movies where you feel like you’ve seen it before, only it has more incest, boobs, and dismemberment. I think this might be the shortest review I’ve ever written. There’s really nothing to this movie. It takes itself way too seriously, and it seems like the filmmakers were just overly ambitious about this project. Do I really have to mention the acting? To make matters even worse it only made $327,000 back of it’s $3 million budget, and it was released in 1,500 freaking theaters. Even the ending seems like it was thrown in just so the run time would hit 90 minutes. I’m really not mad at how bad it is. It’s more depressing than anything else.