ABCs of Death: A-E

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This seemed like a strong start: a woman viciously attacks a man, but we discover she was only trying to kill him because the world was going to end. The screen fades to red, and we assume the couple has died together. It sounds interesting enough, but at the end I have more questions: How did she know the world was going to end? Why was her first thought to slowly kill her husband? And if the world is going to end, why was she concerned about no one finding out she was the one that was trying to poison him? Did she try warning the rest of the world, or did she only plan for her survival? I know my mind shouldn’t be analyzing this so much, but I know I’m not alone. It gets 2/5. I don’t think the first segment should leave your audience with so many unanswered questions even if you only have 5 minutes for a short.

 

The_ABCs_of_Death_B_for_Bigfoot_0

Something just seems so off about this, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I think it’s the disappointment stemming from the fact that there isn’t Bigfoot. If your title is B is for Bigfoot, I fully expect to see a damn Yeti busting through the wall like the Kool Aid man, and start ripping out hearts. Instead we get a creepy garbage collector with a milky eye and ninja like stealth, and a severe lack of seeing what he does with the hearts. I’m guessing he just collects them and then puts them in garbage bags. If that’s the case, I actually want to see it. This is supposed to be the ABCs of Death, and it’s holding back this much? I call shenanigans, and also give this 2/5. I give it that much because of the banter is mildly entertaining, and I can’t ignore the hilarity of the world’s shortest sex scene.

The_ABCs_of_Death_C_for_Cycle_0

I think I found the biggest flaw of the movie. I get these directors had less than 5 minutes to create something, but that doesn’t mean they had to bypass semi decent story telling. This is the second segment where I have more questions than answers. What exactly is this cycle? Is it a daily occurrence? Why does this guy kill his clone with glee? What in the hell is in the hole in his yard that creates copies of him? I can create an entire post about all the questions I have about this one. It gets 1/5. There’s really not much to it, and the bits that are there are just confusing.

 

The_ABCs_of_Death_D_for_Dogfight_0

I’m cheating a bit because I refuse to watch this again. Why? Animal cruelty, that’s why. I’m sincerely hoping that it was only a dog puppet that got punched in the face, but I’m not so sure. I get the feeling this is supposed to be some social commentary about who’s the real monster: man or dog? Or something about greed since this basically a cockfight. It probably would’ve worked, but this is another case where violence and going for shock completely overshadows any message it was trying to make. This gets 1/5. If you’re trying to make a statement, you can do so without shocking the audience.

 

The_ABCs_of_Death_E_for_Exterminate_0

Angela Bettis has some serious issues. Anytime this woman writes or directs something, there are insects involved. That point aside, this is arguably one of the best shorts of the film. I hate spiders, but the battle between the man and the spider is pretty funny. How can you not laugh when a grown man does a “heebie jeebie” dance? I’m tempted to question why the spider seems like it was genetically altered, but I’m just going to go with it this time. I give it 3/5. It’s not perfect and noticeably low budget, but it’s effective and entertaining.

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