You’re Next

Youre-Next-poster

One of my all time favorite home invasion movies is The Strangers. You’re supposed to be safe in your home, and when that sense of security is shattered it truly is terrifying. The only problem with that film is that other filmmakers try to copy that same terror and fail miserably. You’re Next is no exception. The film is directed by Adam Wingard. Sound familiar? He’s the one partly responsible for unleashing V/H/S onto the world. He’s also the editor of this film, which is quite obvious. Yes, my arch nemesis Shaky Cam is back in full force. When done right, it adds to the tension or mass hysteria that the characters are experiencing. Wingard doesn’t seem to understand that.

Much like V/H/S, the editing is so bad that at several points myself and other viewers became dizzy. There’s also quite of bit of strobe light effects, so please do not see this if you’re prone to seizures. So the editing and cinematography is terrible. The plot and gore should make up for it, right? Well, the thing about gore is that it’s only effective if you see the end result. If I see someone get beaten to death (which happens twice within a 20 minute span), I fully expect to see blood splatter and brain matter all over the room. Instead most of the deaths happen off camera or we only see the victims’ faces, and some squishing noises. In other words, it was just repetitive and boring.

We’re now left with the plot. At this point I still had some hope left. Of course that tiny glimmer of hope was crushed around the 45 minute mark. In order to explain, let me go back to The Strangers. The reason why it was so scary is because we never found the reason why the couple was picked by the crazies in creepy masks. When done right, that type of plot can work out very well. It just doesn’t work here, and prepare for spoilers.

Long story short, an older couple is celebrating their wedding anniversary, and their highly unlikable hell spawn bring their equally unlikable significant others. There’s the brother that’s a douche bag for no reason, the brother that’s fat and gets picked on by the douche bag, the black sheep, and sickeningly sweet sister. People start dying like flies, and we discover the black sheep has hired ex-military to dispose of his family so he can get the inheritance. Why? Because he’s the black sheep. No seriously. That’s really the only reason the movie gives as to why he would pay to slaughter his family. And yet he appears to be emotional when forced to kill his own brother. I call shenanigans. If someone pays to kill their family for the prospect of more money, they’re a heartless bastard. Therefore if a situation arose where they had to kill someone, there would be no hesitation and they certainly wouldn’t be emotional. After more jumping around the house, the black sheep dies from getting a blender shoved into his head and turned on.

Oh I forgot to mention the fat one’s girlfriend. She just happens to be the daughter of a survivalist who forced her to move to the Australian Outback when she was a child, and taught her how to defend herself if needed. That’s right, there just happened to be someone that can save the family. Well, maybe considering the fat one was in on it too. Shocker! Have you noticed how I’ve described the plot? That’s exactly how events were laid out in the film. Confused? You should be. Annoyed because this whole thing is so contrived and mind numbing stupid? I know I was when I realized I paid $8.50 to see this turd.

This movie is just pointless. The characters are so annoying and spoiled that you actually want them to die. The plot is so thin and complicated that it really shouldn’t even be called a plot. And finally the editing is so bad to the point where you actually have to figure out if someone just died. It’s yet another 0. Just watch The Strangers or Funny Games. They’re both creepy, and you’ll be able to see what the hell is going on.

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