Prometheus

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I think this is one of those “abandon all hope” type of movies. I know I had high hopes that it was going to be the super amazing awesome prequel to Alien. I mean, just look at it from a technical standpoint: the running time is over 2 hours, and it’s produced and directed by Ridley Scott. What could possibly go wrong? I’m starting to learn that if a movie plot seems awesome, it’s going to suck.

This is such a letdown that I don’t even have enough material to rip on. Nothing happens. I wish I was lying, but it’s true. There are no gory kills, a mutinous crew or (like the rest of world was waiting for) aliens. Want to know why they called this the prequel to Alien? At the end, some humanoid race get impregnated by a face hugger, and the mutated result sort of resembles the alien we’re used to seeing. It’s one scene that doesn’t even last 3 minutes.

Another problem is the casting. Well, 2 people in particular. Noomi Rapace plays Elizabeth Shaw, an archaeologist. Noomi Rapace is best known for playing Lisbeth Salander in the original The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. She also had a supporting part in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. In both films, she is the definition of bad-ass female action star. Naturally, I thought she would basically be Ripley’s predecessor. The character is the opposite of that. That’s not a bad thing, but Rapace just isn’t known for playing weaker characters and that is blatantly obvious. She looks so uncomfortable, and it’s hard to feel anything when you can see the actress doesn’t care for the character either.

The big name is Charlize Theron. I’m guessing she’s supposed to be the bitchy boss/minor villain. I didn’t buy it. To be more exact, it just didn’t make sense. What did she have against the crew chosen for this mission? My first thought was there was some underlying power struggle, but you later find out she was never going to inherit the company anyway. And that’s another thing: the plot goes from trying to discover the beginning of mankind, to family politics. It’s not a smooth transition.

I also have no idea what’s going on with whoever is rating these movies, but they need to be fired. It’s rated R, but there’s no sex, no extreme gore, and I’m 90% positive they don’t even drop an f bomb. The only scenes of gore are a guy gets his arm partially broken and you see a tiny bit of bone poking out, a couple people get set on fire, and a robot gets decapitated. Maybe I’m desensitized, but I’m pretty sure you see stuff like that in PG-13 movies, too.

I’m at a loss here. It’s just two hours of nothing, and there’s no sex or violence to make it mildly entertaining. My first review after a week, and it’s a goose egg. I am very disappointed, Ridley Scott. If you want to see a space mission gone wrong, just watch Alien and don’t hope for a decent prequel.

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