Sex and the City 2

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I really wanted to skip reviewing this one. Not just because it’s basically someone taking a dump on paper and calling it a “witty screenplay”. I hate this movie. It is so offensive and crude that makes anything Sasha Baron Cohen does look like Sesame Street. The film basically says getting married and having children means the end of your life as you know it. Oh, and men want to oppress women because we’re so awesome…or something. I don’t really know because I was too pissed off to really listen.

This is where I should maybe give my own opinion on the issue. I’m all for being independent, confident and sexually “experienced”. These characters are just whiny old hags who should still be single so they can drink themselves to death. I hate these women. They make me ashamed to be a woman. I’m not going to go through the whole movie because I don’t want to re-live it. The short version? Samantha the slut is on about 40 different kinds of pills and hormones to desperately cling to her youth. She’s 52. At that point, her youth is dead and buried. Charlotte and Miranda are both married with children, and they both hate their kids.

They actually have the nerve to say that being a wife and mother is supposed to be easy. Marriage and being a parent won’t be like going through all the levels of hell, but it won’t be unicorns farting rainbows either. And Carrie…dear Horseface Carrie. What is her biggest complaint about new husband Mr. Big? He just wants to spend time with her watching TV and ordering takeout. And that he bought a TV for their anniversary instead of buying her jewelery. That’s right. These have to be the most self-centered, spoiled, disgusting, and annoying women in cinema.

I don’t even know what to say. This movie sucks, and I hope the people that made it get raped by rabid squirrels. Is it possible for me to give a movie a negative rating? Well, I’m doing it anyway: -5/5. If you want a raunchy comedy that’s actually funny, just watch Horrible Bosses or Superbad. At least those actually have plots and likeable characters. I just realized those are quickly becoming scarce in today’s movies…

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